Thinking Jaywise #440

Status: One part bored, two parts low self-esteem.
Current Past Time: Gorging on junk food.

Why does food have to be so comforting?

I really shouldn't be eating these chips right now. There's too much arse and not enough sass in these pants. (Say that with an American accent and it rhymes! Oh, I slay me.)

And This Is Why I Prefer Pastafarianism

Status: She-Hulk rage with a touch of sleep deprivation.

Ok, so it isn’t the first time a cleric has dared to open his big mouth and bypass his gag-reflex by shoving his shit-stained sandal down his throat by spewing some controversial bullshit dogma. And I’ll bet my arse – sorry, my oh so dirty, asking-for-it “uncovered meat” – that won’t be the last.

Now, when it comes to Muslim cleric comments about rape and abuse towards women, a lot of people seem to tip-toe around the matter – I personally blame the overdose of political-correct sensitivity that seems to be getting more exposure than Paris Hilton’s damn-ugly lazy eye - not to mention, more annoying.

So alright, I’ll bite.

And here’s what I have to say.

I’ve watched the footage of cleric Samir Abu Hamza’s lectures regarding how men should treat women, particularly their partners. And what do I think about Samir Abu Hamza’s teachings?

Disgusting.

Absolutely disgusting.

Sometimes the depths of human depravity disgust me so much, I can’t fathom words to describe just how much it infuriates me.

In the past, religious leaders in Australia have tried to duck for cover by accusing others of misconstruing their innocent statements into malicious attacks against women – Anyone remember Sheik al-Taj al-Din al-Hilaly's half-arsed apology through gritted teeth after being reprimanded for accusing female victims of gang rape of being “uncovered meat” who encourage “the cats [to] come and eat”?

For those of you who are not familiar with cleric Samir Abu Hamza’s controversial outburst, I recommend that readers of this blog google the actual lecture footage – lest I may have misinterpreted the innocent quote, “then you smack them” into something darstardly as an attack against religion – and see how much you can stomach before you feel like bashing your fists into the monitor.

There are so many things wrong with this Samir Abu Hamza’s animalistic dogma that I don’t even know where to begin. Oh wait, yeah I do: He blatantly promotes the beating, abuse and rape of women to a room of grinning, nodding and laughing, impressionable chauvinist pigs. (Coincidence that there is not one woman visable in the audience?)

According to cleric Samir Abu Hamza, the correct way to train your slave – whoops, sorry, I meant wife – is “you beat them”. The fact that he points out domestic violence and physical abuse “is a last resort. After you’ve advised them for a long, long time, then you smack them” isn’t much comfort either. And neither is his twisted Dr. Seuss analogy that beating your wife into submission is a lot like “the toothbrush you use to brush your teeth”.

Despite his blatant disrespect towards women, cleric Samir Abu Hamza does provide some guidelines as to the proper way you should beat your spouse, including quotes such as, “you are not allowed to bruise them. You are not allowed to make them bleed” and “this is just to shape them up. ‘Shape up, woman’. That’s about it. You don’t go and grab a broom stick”. (I’m assuming a rusted shovel to the skull is perfectly sanctioned though.)

The fact that these comments are followed by the united scoff and laughter of his followers leaves me less than impressed. In fact, someone should “shape up” the animals who perpetuate this mentality. Don’t leave blood or bruises behind? You’re allowed to beat your spouse into a coma as long as there’s no way she can prove you’re the culprit? To me, this ‘advice’ just sounds like Abu Hamza is teaching cowardly sexist pigs to not leave behind any evidence to incriminate them. So not only are these sexist pestilences told to take the oh so noble steps of endorsing physical violence against women for disobedience – I’m surprised the cleric is not also handing up rolled-up newspapers at the end of his lectures to beat women on the nose with like naughty puppies who've just soiled the carpet -, but he is also encouraging them to hide all evidence, lest they may have to face the consequences of their actions like real men.

Oh, how truly heroic. Samir Abu Hamza, what a visionary you are. /sarcasm

Here’s another quote from everyone’s favourite family man: “If the husband wants to sleep with his wife and she does not want to, and she hasn’t got a sickness or whatever, there is nothing wrong with her, she just doesn’t feel like it, and he ends up sleeping with her by force, it is not be as a rape. Amazing, how can a person rape his wife?”

Amazing indeed. Well Abu Hamza, when it comes to the disbelief of what man could possibly rape their wife, we are in agreement. How can anyone with one shred of humanity possibly conceive the thought of disrespecting and violating their life partner in the most painful, psychologically damaging and primitive way? Furthermore, it's amazing how many gullible shitbags actually choke down your twisted bullshit dogma. Pardon me for being the romantic, but I thought the bond of marriage meant that two people in wedlock love, respect and support each other equally, rather than one person tearing down the other’s basic civil liberties as a human being. I thought matrimony was based on some type of affection rather than a means for a male to have his own readily-available sex slave.

And then there’s this: “Even if her husband were to ask her for sexual relationship and she is preparing the bread on the stove, she must leave it and come and respond to her husband.”

But, oh sweet irony of ironies, the cleric failed to make one situation clear: What happens if the husband wants bread right after he indulges in the criminal pleasures of raping and beating his spouse? Gathering from his previous statements, I can only assume that cleric Samir Abu Hamza would state that a stern “shape up” would be required to teach the women her place to work more efficiently in the kitchen.

Now I’m not saying I’m right – after all, I’m cursed with this inferior XX chromosome – but here’s a suggestion: Maybe, just maybe, the ‘man’ in this scenario could grow a pair, take ‘no’ for an answer like any normal human being with a shred of decency would and fetch his own fucking bread. And make his wife a sandwich.

So, what choice does a woman have in regards this perfect image of marital bliss according to our family-friendly cleric? Apparently, not divorce. According to cleric Samir Abu Hamza, a woman who files for divorce against her husband for something as trivial and nonsensical as being beaten and sexually abused - no reason at all, really - will “not smell the fragrance of paradise”.

I would love to hear the cleric’s opinions regarding male rape. Since women are begging to be violated with their slutty bootleg jeans and ever seductive, take-me-now t-shirts, would it be excusable for a topless man walking along the beach in his board shorts to be gang-raped? Would it be ok for a man to be “shaped up” for the sake of his own good as women are supposedly encouraged to endure? I hope these people choke on their hypocrisy.

Cleric Samir Abu Hamza argues, “The Australian community is at a state of loss. They don’t know how to enjoy themselves. They don’t know what life is all about. That’s why they’re on the booze. That’s why they’re on binge drinking. That’s why Australia has become one of the countries that, unfortunately, suicide has sky-rocketed. Murder. Anxiety and depression. Why, my dear brothers and sisters? Why?”

Well, I can’t help but think maybe the anxiety and depression in the world could be, in part, due to sexist fucks endorsing rape against women. These teachers may claim that women should wear shapeless sacks and stay indoors to preserve themselves from the tainted world, yet I bet they jack off to pin-up girls and Play Boy magazines like an every day Joe.

News flash, sexist pigs: I may not have a physical pair of testicles, but I have more metaphorical balls than cleric Samir Abu Hamza and his whole damned following of depraved, chauvinistic bastard disciples will ever have. Real men don’t beat, sexually assault or abuse women. Period. Pardon my having a vagina, but it’s not an attack against multi-culturism or the Muslim faith, it’s defending my basic human rights. And I say fuck your sexist extremism.

PS. A last-minute note to sexist men who decide to debate with me over the fact that I'm a woman who needs to be put in my place: I'm superior. The reason you have your shrivelled genitals hanging so freely on the outside of your body is because God so happened to grant me the ability to "shape you up" properly when I knee you repeatedly in the groin.

PPS. Thank you Avi for pointing out my typo in the title. Pastafarian has a 't'.