Thinking Jaywise Birthday Special: 21 Jayfacts

Status: Blank.

Music: “The Thin Ice” by Pink Floyd

Hello avid Thinking Jaywise readers. (Ha, there’s a little in joke right there.)

Long time, no post. Mostly because my life happens to be one shit storm after another and I’m pretty sure you people are just as sick of reading it as I am of living it.

So, to cut a long story short, over the last few weeks, court cases have been sat through, lawyers have been spoken to, lectures have been sat through, medication has been administered, binge drinking has reared its head, psychologists have been visited, fees have been paid, forms have been filed, lost and re-submitted and, to top it off, I’m being sued by a soulless money-hungry insurance company for a sum of cash equivalent to the salary I make over a period of 2 years. (Though, on the plus side, writing angry correspondence to an insurance company that not only has no legal right to sue me, but can’t even get my name right despite several letters back and forth stating my correct details, is kind of therapeutic. Never try to intimidate a stubborn, pissed off Asian with an acid pen and a firm grasp on the legal system.)

So today is my 21st birthday. And what better way to celebrate than to publish some random Jayfacts for the web-trollers to read? (God, I'm depressed.)

There are many random facts about me that could have probably been published here - though I assure you, they probably aren't much better than the trivial nothings listed below.

So here it is, 21 Jayfacts you didn't ask for at a time you're too lazy to read. Enjoy you ingrates.

1. Metallica’s self titled black album was the first album I ever bought with my own cash.
2. I have two tattoos and found the tattooing experience fun, therapeutic and ticklish as opposed to painful, yet I stand by my phobia of needles.
3. I have a keyboard/synthesiser named Will on a stand parallel to my bed so I can just sit up and swivel around to play if I get the craving to do so at 4 in the morning. True fact: It’s short for William.
4. A few years ago, Keenan and I wrote a letter to Alice Cooper humbly requesting permission to give birth to and raise Cooper’s children via. IVF. We received no response. (I personally blame Keenan for freaking Alice Cooper out with his ‘PS. Send me some of your short and curlies.’ remark. I take no credit or responsibility for that remark; that was all Keenan’s idea.)
5. When I’m feeling isolated, alone, depressed or numb, I generally play Pink Floyd’s The Wall in its entirety on a loop.
6. I’m an avid fan of The X-Files. Mulder and Scully forever. None of this Supernatural bullshit. *firm nudge in Fox’s general direction*
7. I do change my underwear regularly– twice daily – it’s just all the same colour and style. Screw trying to impress. Black goes with everything. Particularly other black things.
8. As soon as I could talk, I apparently bombarded my parents with my belief that we had an invisible dog named Don. Constantly. So much so, in fact, that for my third birthday, my persistence drove my parents to madness and my father ended up buying me a Labrador named Donnie from the RSPCA animal shelter. (Kids, I’m sure there’s a moral about persistence in that story somewhere…)
9. The first movie that ever made me cry – and one of the rare few that have made me cry ever – was Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. I was maybe six or seven at the time. The Beast was and probably is still my favourite Disney prince, but only pre-human transformation. By the way, breathe a word of this fact and I will punch you in the ball sack.
10. Everything I’ve learnt about bra fittings and walking in high heels, I’ve learnt from gay men and drag queens.
11. My delicious cake is neither carrot or a lie.
12. After nearly 20 years of being raised in a strict religious home, I formally renounced my faith. For the record, I do believe an entity exists; I just see no feasible reason to worship a deity that is selfish, hypocritical, unjust and unworthy of praise. As Epicurus argued: "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” (Looks like it’s a fiery afterlife for me.)
13. At the conclusion of year 12, I became so sick of looking feminine that I shaved my head and in the months that followed, resembled an angry punk pixie by default. (Yes, I shaved my head during an identity crisis before Britney Spears made it cool. Fun times.)
14. I’ve worn the same black leather cuff/watch on my left wrist every day now for the last 8 years. Sure, the stitching on the leather wristband is falling apart and held together with elastic bands and the metal is losing some of its sheen, but I’m not taking it in for repairs or replacement until the clock face is so cracked and scratched that I can’t tell the time.
15. I think I can genuinely say that I hate my mother. At least 99% of the time. It’s a mutual hate.
16. The closest thing to a sense of commitment I’ve ever experienced from another human being just so happens to be from a wonderful, yet homosexual, man. The realisation is sweet, and yet at the same time, pretty fucking sobering. Spinsterhood seems more imminent than ever.
17. According to Windows Media Player, the most frequently played song on my computer is Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb.
18. Since Keenan and I separated, I haven’t listened to The Cure or Iron Maiden, probably because we saw both bands perform live as a couple and shared similar tastes in music. Nevertheless, I stand by the two bands as my favourite bands of all time.
19. Not only have I named my computer (The Olaf), I have a habit of naming my hard drives (Tess and Dorian), USB drives (Herbert and Sonja Jay Jr.), storage units (Little Apple Atrum) and the majority of my plug ins. My scanner’s name is Brenda.
20. I received my first pair of black combat boots when I was seven. Ever since that day, boots have been my thing.
21. Know why I prefer the company of puppies in comparison to people? Because animals are respectful, trustworthy and loyal.